Tomorrow is your 7th birthday and I have to tell you...I am struggling with that number.
I am struggling with the fact that you - my first born - are now closer to being a teenager than you are a baby. It feels like only yesterday I held you in my arms for the first time.
That first cuddle we shared was made even more important because I waited a very long 12 hours to do it. After dreaming about having a little girl for so long and feeling you grow inside me for 33 weeks I didn't want to wait a minute to hold you...let alone 12 hours.
You were so small I was scared I was going to hurt you. But I underestimated you my sweet girl because you were already so tough. You were a fighter from the start.
I was amazed by the strength I felt and saw from you during those 17 days in the NICU. And you continue to amaze me every day.
Tonight - as I tucked you into bed on the last day of your 6th year - I was trying to find a way to tell you all that I was feeling.
That I feel blessed everyday that I get to be your mama. That you are one of the two best things I have ever done in my life.
That I think you are beautiful inside and out. That nothing makes me happier than when you slip your little hand into mine and smile up at me - with all those missing teeth.
That I know I can be too hard on you and that my expectations of you are high. But that's because I know you can do amazing things. And I want you to do amazing things.
That I will always let you forge your own path and make your own mistakes. And when you fall down I will be there to help you up.
But as I stood there on the top step of your bunk bed ladder tucking your in with your blankie and your bear the only words I could come up with were "I love you."
Because baby I really do. My love for you is special and we have a special bond. You made me a mother. And your first cry and every one since has had an impact on me.
We will have our moments. Our relationship and bond will be tested - of this I have no doubt - but we will endure those few rough times and be better for them
My darling daughter - on this your 7th birthday - I want you to know how proud I am of you. Of the person you are now and the person you will be one day.
Thank you for every hug, every kiss, every "I love you mummy." you have ever given me. I hope you never stop holding my hand.