Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Being Present

My name is Kelly and I'm addicted to trying to do it all.

Who's with me? I know I'm not the only one. I've seen you out there...

Standing in line at the grocery store at 10:37pm with a full cart of groceries, wearing your sweaty workout gear, checking emails on your phone.

Rushing out of breath into work, gripping your venti Starbucks like a life line, glitter on your face and hands after spending all night finishing your kid's Halloween costume and getting them to school in one piece.

Sitting on the sidelines of the soccer game/ballet class/music lesson trying to focus on your child while simultaneously trying to set up a play date, book a dentist appointment and Instagramming photos.

Why do we do it to ourselves? At the end of the day I find myself too exhausted to even sit down and get reacquainted with my PVR - which is constantly reminding me it's at 87% full - as if I didn't know I was 3 weeks behind on my favourite shows.

I know I am my own worst enemy in a lot of this. I am a working mother but I still want to believe I can be just as involved in my child's daily life as a stay at home one. That's just not possible...and I know it's not possible. But I still try.

The result is that I am never fully present in any one particular moment.

I can't fully absorb the joy that my kids are feeling when I am watching them sing through the screen of my iphone as I record the 'moment for posterity'. Because I am not fully there. Sure...I love having the video to look back at but at what price?

My family and I are about to head to Disneyland for the second time. The last time we went I didn't take my phone because it was a work phone without a travel package. I thought it would be hard to be without it...but it was liberating. I was unemcumbered. Even my girls talked about how nice it was that I wasn't looking at my phone all the time.

This year, however, I want to take it so I can document every moment of my first runDisney experience. And as we are travelling with extended family this time my phone will be the only way of getting in contact if we get separated.

And I'm already a little nervous about having it with me. Because I know that if leaving it at the hotel isn't an option it will be up to me to police my own phone use.

It will be up to me to use it just for taking pictures of really important moments and not feeling the need to check in to every ride on foursquare.

It will be up to me to be present in the moment as my youngest daugther boards Space Mountain for the first time or runs willingly into her favourite princesses arms rather than instagramming it.

I think I'm up for the challenge. I will look at this as another way of making 2014 the year of the better me.

If I accomplish this it will be just a minor win. The pull of social media and being "connected" is strong.

Hopefully I am stronger...

1 comment:

  1. I struggle with this on a daily basis. It's so easy to just grab your phone and check a few things while the kids are playing. I really need to put it away more and just be present for that regular old day to day stuff with them.