Monday, June 30, 2014

More Words of Wisdom...

Back in February I wrote a post sharing some inspirational quotes that I had seen that helped me get through the day.

While downloading images from my phone today I realized I had collected several more. As I evolve through my own emotional journey I have realized that the quotes that have the most impact on me have also evolved.

They have gone from melancholy to inspirational. From sad to hopeful.  And a few just downright funny ones too.

Maybe one will strike a chord with you...

And this one I love so much I think it should be my next tattoo...

Happy Monday everyone!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

My Little Graduate

My youngest had her daycare graduation last week and I must admit I had a pretty tough time accepting that she is about to make the transition into school.

I think I might be more sentimental this time around because I know that all of her milestones are the LAST for me to experience because she is my last baby.  So each of these moments remind me of the steady beat of time moving on...and all of us getting older.

The "ceremony" was lovely. She marched into the room to the strains of "Pomp & Circumstance" her little graduate hat askew on her head. She brought me a pink carnation and then took her place with her other graduating friends.

The daycare had certificates for each graduate and called them up individually to collect.  And was time to make the mothers cry. The photo slideshows began.

Little T has been at this daycare since she was 11 months old and that was the first photo they showed of her. So little, so cute, still a baby.

And my tears started to fall.  Right now I am pretty much an all or nothing cryer.  I can either manage to hold in my emotions (to the point of appearing dis-interested) or they just continue to fall.

Thank goodness they had boxes of kleenex ready for us.

After the ceremony ended there were lovely speeches by the staff - all of whom were also crying - as they talked about what an honour it was to play a role in helping us raise our children. 

As a working mother my kids have been in full time daycare since the age of 1 and I often lamented the fact that they spent more time at the daycare than with me. And while I will never fully get over that guilt...I also know that they enjoyed every minute they were there.  And that was evident just from the smiles on their faces in the slideshow.

And litenting to their teachers talk about them I know that they loved my kids (almost) as much as I do.

Come September we will be saying a very emotional farewell to this lovely little daycare after 7 years.  And that will be a very sad day for our whole family.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Playing the part...

I'm not a very good actress...  It's tough for me to hide my emotions or to pretend to feel something that I'm not.

But let me tell you I could win a freakin' Oscar for the brave face I put on this afternoon for my kids.  As I loaded them into my husband's car and said "have a great time" with all the sincerity I could manage knowing that they would be having a great time without me.  And that I wouldn't see them for 5 days.

Because I was not okay with being apart from them.  I was not okay with not being a part of the next few days of their life. I was just plain not okay.

And that my friends is the truly shitty part of being separated. Choosing to live apart from your spouse - the other half of your parenting duo - means choosing to live without your own kids for periods of time.

Now I won't pretend for a moment that having some time to myself isn't nice. I actually used to joke that sharing custody seemed to be a pretty good arrangement. It was "the best of both worlds" I would say.

But that was back when any time I spent away from my kids was my choice. Those periods of missed time were my sanity breaks...much needed time to re-charge my motherhood batteries. But this life I'm living now...I wouldn't wish it on any parent. It's way too hard...

And the hardest part is making sure my kids don't feel my emotions. That I don't make them feel guilty about having fun when I'm not with them. That they don't see my anxiety as we part. That they don't feel my longing for them to stay with me.

I don't know if this is going to be forever - and if it is I know I will learn to cope. But for soon as they are out of sight I fall to pieces.

And these are the times when I forget that sometimes my kids are total assholes.  That they drive me nuts when they fight over the same toy when they have 17,000 others to play with. My only thought is that my babies are growing up and they are doing some of it without me. It sucks.

When they return home and run into my arms with screams of "Mummy!!!" I will feel better.

And as they tell me all about their adventures I will swallow back my emotions and listen with a smile and feign excitement. Because that is the role I need to play and I will put everything I have into making it believable.

But a little part of my heart will be breaking at the same time knowing that this is time with them I can never get back.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Wordless Wednesday - Strike Day

Our teacher's are on strike and that means having the kids at home with me as I try to get work done.  Such is the life of a work at home mother.  Yesterday we reached the breaking point and just needed to get out of the house.

And what started out as a pure "get me the hell out of here before I kill my children" moment turned into a great day for us and the friends we spent the day with.  Plus...the inhabitants of the local bird sanctuary were a lot fatter after our little group passed through with sacks of bird feed.

I do hope this strike gets resolved soon. But in the meantime I will count myself lucky for the extra quality time it has "forced" me to have with my kids.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Wordless Wednesday - Beautiful Vancouver

With a night to myself and nothing to do I spent the evening wandering the city that I love so much.

At sunset - on a bench in false creek - Vancouver treated me to an amazing show in the sky. 

I am so lucky to call Vancouver home...

Sunday, June 8, 2014

JDRF Walk 2014

This year we participated in our second JDRF Walk in support of our very good friends who have a daugther dealing with Type 1 diabetes. It is a fantastic event...and is a great way to educate my girls on what their friend (and her family) deals with every day as a result of this disease.

We were very proud members of Team Markella!

To learn more about the JDRF and how you can help support research to cure this disease visit

Friday, June 6, 2014

Sports Day 2014

This is the first year that I was able to attend my oldest daughter's Sports Day.  I have always had to make tough choices on what end of the year school events I could take time off work for and Sports Day just never made the cut.

But now that I'm working from home everything makes the list and I was very happy to get to go.  Especially since this is the last one that was just about her. Next year I will have to split my time between both girls.  I really hope they are on the same team.

She was team Green this year and the after a last minute trip to the mall to acquire green shorts we were ready to represent. Due to job action there was no bike parade this year and to be honest I was okay with that. Because who really decorates the bikes?  It's not the kids...that's for sure.

The sun was shining bright and everyone had a great time.

Pre-Schooler Race... race with her "participant" ribbon.