It doesn't take a genius to realize that I have a pretty freakin' severe case of writers block. I haven't written a thing in almost 2 months and it is killing me...
but I'm wondering if this is actually a case of life block. It's not just my writing that I have let fall by the way side over the past few months...it's a little bit of everything.
I feel stuck. Like my life is being played in fast forward but I'm stuck in slow motion. That everything - and everyone - is moving ahead in their lives and their dreams and I'm still here. waiting for...what exactly?
It is limbo...and let me tell you...it is not a fun place to live. And an even harder place to bust out of.
A few weeks ago I decided to bring back "Project Positivity" and focus on the things in my life I had complete control of. To let go of the anger that was turning me into a vile, petty shell of myself and choose happiness.
Sounds pretty good right? Unfortunately it's harder than it sounds.
Why is it that in today's society we seem to understand - and even embrace - negativity much more than positivity? We are all so quick to see the flaws in a plan rather than the potential. It almost goes against our very nature to believe that good can actually come...because we are too busy waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And that sentiment gets even more pronounced when it comes to being happy with what we have rather than wondering what else COULD be. We are so consumed with the "what ifs" we forget to cherish the "we already haves".
I am guilty of it. We all are. We covet. We get jealous. We forget to be grateful.
I want nothing more to be happy in the place that I am. I long to be able to honestly answer the question "how are you doing?" with an emphatic "I'm good." and mean it down to the core of my being.
I want to move forward. Not to have progress for the sake of progress...but to have real forward motion. To feel inspired again.
I have written so many times before about perspective being a beautiful thing. And this week has given me heaps of it. In my relationships, in my work, in my family...it is there at every turn.
And I am soaking it all in with the intent of making my days count. And doing things that make me happy.
Most of all I want to be grateful for what I have. And to be thankful for all the memories that are the foundation of the life I am living today.
This may not be the path I would have chosen for myself...but it is the path I am on nonetheless. Time to take a deep breath and forge ahead.
Unblocked...and with a tentative spring in my step and smile on my face.