It was something I had been talking about doing for years and the time finally felt right. And at the beginning it appeared I was right. I very quickly secured two regular paying gigs...to my great relief...and had leads on a few other potential jobs.
One of the contracts is with a contact I had worked with before and I knew it was a good fit for both of us. And that one has been great from the beginning.
The other one though I almost didn't take. There were red flags everywhere. The biggest one being that despite having an amazing product they hadn't been able to hang on to a marketing person for more than a 5 month stretch.
This was a situation where I should have listened to my instincts. I should have trusted in myself and the alarm bells that were ringing loudly and politely turned down the job. But I didn't.... Fear won out and I convinced myself it would be okay.
It wasn't. It was never fun. it was challenging and stressful and never fulfilling. I felt like this on so many days:
I wanted to quit so many times but just couldn't do it. I worried too much about the loss of the income and what that would mean to me and my girls. Plus, I felt like this was a bit of a lesson that all entrepreneurs learn. You aren't always going to like your clients and finding a way to work with them is part of finding a way to make your business work period.
And while that thought process is sound. There was another way I started to look at it. He was a client, not my boss. And I didn't go out on my own to work on projects that stressed me out. I went out on my own to have more control over how I spent my days and what I spent them working on. Bottom line...I was letting this one client cause me too much anxiety.
So yesterday I called it quits. It wasn't easy - I was only 6 weeks from the end of my contract - and I don't like quitting. I wrote the email in the morning and couldn't bring myself to hit sent until 9pm. And as soon as I did I felt like the weight of the world had come off my shoulders...and I knew it had been the right decision.
And just minutes after hitting send I got another boost for my spirits. A potential client that I had (ashamedly) let fall by the way side over the summer sent me a message saying she had another project she wanted to talk to me about. This was a client I loved working with. We had really connected and I had been so angry at myself for letting the relationship fade away. My relief that it was still intact made me a little giddy...
I really feel like things are finally starting to fall into place for me. Especially in terms of work and writing and creativity. My path is becoming clearer. My life is adopting a routine and a schedule. I am making time for things - and people - that matter most to me.
Of course, I don't want to turn into a complete pile of sap and cause you to want to "gag yourself with a spoon" so I will end with this:
and tell you how sorry I am if you are starting to feel like this:
Really....so very sorry.